Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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