I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
