She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
