For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
