I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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