i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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