I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
