my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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