Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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