I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
