Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
