It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
