It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
