So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
