So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
