We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
