All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
