I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
