no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
