none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize