so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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