i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
