peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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