I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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