Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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