chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
