sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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