Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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