dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
