So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
