I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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