the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
