So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
