i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
