im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
