saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize