My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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