Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
