after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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