i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
