My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
