Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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