or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did I show you my penis last night?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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