Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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