Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
