We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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