YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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