the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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