gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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