they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
