i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
