i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
