some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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