She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
