and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
