she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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