we made out on top of his cat.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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