doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
