I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
