flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
