I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
