Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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