I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize