Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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