i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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