In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
