i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize