..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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