At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
